Life can seem unbearable at times, but don't let it keep you down. Meditate on God's goodness, talk to Him, and know that He hears you. When life knocks you to your knees, you're in a good position to pray.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Glowing Inside
Being a music lover, I also liked to keep records of the songs that inspire me and songs that I can relate to. I sang this song in a debut I attended to, and the mother of the debutante can't help but cry with the message. I don't know the whole story of what's behind her tears, but I sure feel this song had a strong impact to her. She even said she's already teary-eyed the night that we practiced the song. I failed to put myself in the song, which caused me to kind of mess it up during the performance, but it still had an impact to the debutante's parents, specially with her mother.
What's still important is the message. That's why I picked this song. Anyway, this song was really made for mothers, and I'd like to share its message to everyone who reads this blog.
Glowing Inside by Nikki Gil
Happy to let you know, You make me glow I feel so good, it's true So glad that I have you You love me so, now all is bright I'll always...
Thank you, for the glow and Thank you, for the joy Thank you, for the love you gave to me I'm glowing, glowing inside With your love, shining through Thank you, for everything you do I'm glowing inside, because of you
Remember my growing years They're filled with joy because you're there for me You cast my fears away You wipe those tears You gave me strength each day, I...
Thank you, for the glow and Thank you, for the joy Thank you, for the love you gave to me I'm glowing, glowing inside With your love, shining through Thank you, for everything you do I'm glowing inside, because of you
Who knows what tomorrow brings My glowing wings, they make me fly I'll reach, and I will touch the sky Because of you, I soar up high So I'm a...
Thank you, for the glow and Thank you, for the joy Thank you, for the love you gave to me I'm glowing, glowing inside With your love, shining through Thank you, for everything you do I'm glowing inside, because of you
I am not really used to wearing dresses, in fact I haven't worn any since the time I've become aware of my appearance. The last time I wore one was when we came to church during the christmas celebration when I was still a kid. Sadly I can't post a copy of the pic here, but it sure was funny because I was wearing a pair rubber shoes with it. I was eating a popsicle stick in the picture, with my face smudged with melted ice cream on both cheeks. Our scanner is busted so I can't upload a copy in here, but I will not be afraid of posting it since I find it very entertaining. As I have said, I am not very conscious yet of my appearance that time and my mother either doesn't have a very good fashion statement. (she's the one who was dressing us up then).
Anyway, I recently got invited to sing in a debut. It was my Kim's cousin Claire's debut and the theme is whimsical, so they made some modifications with the name of the entourage. It was actually only the 18 candles that have been modified, making it into goddesses instead of candles. The rest, like the roses and the treasures, remained the same. The occasion asks for a semi-formal attire and since I was also included in the 18 goddesses, I was required to wear a semi-formal dress.
I really got worried of what I'm going to wear, for I don't have any dress that will suit the event. Besides, as I have mentioned, I am not used into wearing dresses, so I don't have any either. On occasions that required semi-formal attires, I always wear two-piece clothings, with either a skirt or most of the time pants bottoms since I am much more comfortable with it, but I find dresses too formal and sexy. It shows too much skin and I am not easy with it. So I kept bugging Kim, who invited me, asking for assurance that it would be okay for me to wear pants. She kept saying it's okay as long as it's not denim. I think Kim is just being too nice and shy to tell me that I'm required to wear something more formal than that, or she just don't know how to say it without disappointing me. Anyway, I myself found out that I should wear a dress when the event came.
I was already determined to wear just khaki pants and pink blouse but to play it safe, I brought the dress with me. It was actually what I wore when I went there, because of course, I won't be travelling wearing the dress. When I came there, I've proven that I would stick out like a swollen thumb if I had insisted wearing my humble khaki pants and pink blouse attire. The entourage is actually wearing pink and lilac dresses and they look like they are going to march for a bridal entourage. It was my first time to attend a grandly celebrated debut and I would feel really out of place if I don't wear the dress. The entourage is actually dressed in formal. So there, running out of time because I came in late, I hurriedly slipped the dress on and voila! I've transformed into someone I don't know ^_^. It was also the first time I've seen myself in a formal attire.
Very much uncomfortable, I also hurriedly put on some make up. Actually, it looked like I did not put anything. I don't have any make up with me and the only things I have as make-up are an eye liner and a loose powder. I don't even have a lipstick! It looked like I was only asked a day before the event to prepare because I don't have anything with me. I am also not into make up so I don't have any but it was that moment that I realized it is also a necessity for women on occasions like this. Gosh, this is one of the hassles of being a female. Men are okay with just a few powder, in fact they don't need to put anything at all on their face just to look presentable but women will need at least a lipstick in order to not look like a corpse. In fact it's not even enough. You'll need things like foundations, eye shadows, blush on, etc.
So because I almost don't have anything, I just settled into putting on whatever I have in my bag and just borrowed the rest from Ross, who is also included in the 18 goddesses. To make things worse, I only don't have the things I need, but I also don't know how to apply make up! And Ross, though she was able to make herself beautiful with it does not know how to apply make up to others. So what I just did was to draw some lines on my eyes with the eye liner, put on loose powder to remove the shine, and asked ross to apply a blush on of hers in my cheeks and that's it. Oh, the lipstick? I don't have any so I used my Nivea lip gloss that has a hint of color in it. I was even jittery while applying the liner and Ross tells me to relax but I really can't. I really get shaky whenever I'm tensed and it really shows. And because of this, I told myself that I should be learning to put make up on my face, and to have one ready in case needed.
I still feel uneasy when we went out the bathroom after the quick fix for the entourage and I kept pulling the front part of the dress up because it is very low. Plus the dress has spaghetti straps and with it, I already feel naked. I kept mentioning to Ross how uncomfy I was and she kept reassuring me it's okay. I then calmed myself down because I realized, the stubbornness can make me look foolish enough.
Dinner was served first before the program since it started at 7pm. I can't eat my food well because I really feel very uneasy. Not only because I am not comfortable with my dress, but that I am also going to sing any moment. I could have sufferred indigestion if I was not able to control myself at least a little. I was taking deep breaths and was drinking a lot of water Coke. It was what was served with the food and besides, Water makes me feel more bloated and I get full easily with it. So in other words, I was not able to enjoy the food that much because I was very uncomfortable.
Then came my number, and I began to feel more nervous. Though I managed not to make it show while I was giving some talk before I start, it showed during the performance. I had several stops during the song, because my mouth gets dry out of nervousness. So instead of swallowing uncontrollably while singing a word, what I did is stop to take breaths and give my mouth some time to wet. And to top it off, the guy playing the guitar is also nervous and so that made him play a little faster and that's also one of the reasons why I ran out of breath. The song even has a part that will require a little belting and that even made me more breathless. It really went fine during our practice but the performance itself was a mess. The song is Glowing Inside by Nikki Gil originally done for the Vaseline shampoo commercial as a tribute to the graduates' moms, and I particularly chose that song because the message went well with the occasion (it's actually already the closest I can get).
I headed home while Ross and JayR went to Greenbelt because I still have to wake up early next day for church. Eventough I'm not really happy with how I did, it's not that bad either, and I'm already thankful for it. I went home relieved of the fact that it is finally finished.
And so what I learned from this experience is that nervousness don't help. It even makes matters worse. I really have to work on it, or else I'll make myself look foolish and embarass myself in front of many people, even if it should have turned out fine.
Wow... It'd been a very long time since I've had my last post. I am not really a frequent updater or a regular poster. It shows naman diba? ^_^. Yeah I know reich and din-din.. I've been gone for years (overstatement). This is actually already the "regular" blog update for me. You guys should already get used to it, for if I'm going to blog about the long absence, this would already be a regular introduction everytime I post.
Anyways... there were just things that bothers me these days. I am starting to worry. I am not really a worrier, but it doesn't mean I don't worry at all.
I used to have a regular monitoring of myself.. that is through journals and planners. I keep one notebook for the written, more personal and private thoughts, the blog for the things I want to share, and the planner to keep track of my schedules. Ang dami no? Well, it really helped me a lot, but because my priorities got messed up lately, a lot of the things I have neatly organized before are now a chaos.
I used to be a very busy person, always making plans for what I'm going to do, from the next hour, to next month. That's only the farthest I've gone. I haven't thought of anything I want to happen yet after a year, 2 years, or 5 years. My plans are short termed. It was just like because I have a lot of activities to attend to, like work, friends, ministries, family matters, bills payments, money allocations or budgeting ( I don't have that much money so I have to do this), that I'm making plans. I just do it to get organized, not really to lay out something I'd like to achieve in the future, like setting goals.
I was so contented before, 'cause it was also the time that I am trying to forget someone I have to let go. I managed to get on my life the soonest I can, and I even got involved to more church activities, drawing me closer to God.
I really don't know, 'cause up to now, I am still thinking, what caused me to be like this? All those activities I have before, some have been gone and to some that are still there, I grew cold in doing. I've lost my passion. I even don't have my quiet times or devotions anymore. Is it because I just got tired? Do I just lack motivation? What is it then that made me do those things before, without a single complain and I'm always happy doing it? As other's would say, "nanginginig pa" because I find it ecstatic? Ano?
I really don't understand myself now and this has already been going for several months. The regular quiet time is already a big loss, but I just don't understand myself, why am I not doing anything? Not to mention other things like I'm already left behind when it comes to career movements. A lot of my batchmates, and some of my team mates that came later than me are already climbing up the corporate ladder and look at me? I'm still stuck to where I've been ever since I entered this company. And to think I'm nearing my 3rd anniversary here?
Yeah.. I've thought of those things. I am very aware I am not making any progress, I even got worse in some area. What's happening?
I don't intend this to be my life's chronicles but I might write some of my experiences here.
Even so, everything that's written in here are either products of my excessive contemplation, or just plainly, pure boredom.
In any case, I still try to write as sensible as possible, for what I really intend to do and I hope is achieved in every writing,
is to impart or share some of the things I learn and sometimes, some struggles in life. Don't expect all seriousness in everything in here though.
In short, this blog is my outlet. My noted thoughts and reflections.
About Me
Name: Goldi
Home: Pasay City, Philippines
Birthday: June 2
Hobbies & Interests: Jesus, music, books, journals, internet, computers, tech stuff, gadgets * sound tripping, singing, playing musical instruments (I know guitar and flute recorder, I just wish I can play them well), watching movie with a tub of popcorn drizzled with melted butter (yum!), reading * observing, pondering, reflecting, learning * laughing or making people laugh (though I'm not good at it) and laugh with them, make people smile, or just listen to their stories. Minsan, trip ko lang din mang-asar =p
About Me: I'm a simple, idealistic but down-to-earth, & friendly person. Quiet most of the time, but friendly enough to have a nice talk (or even a hearty laugh) with anyone. "I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 NLT
Principles I live by:
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
"If people talk negatively about you, live in such a way that no one will believe them."
"God is a God of happy endings. If you're not yet happy, it's not yet the end."
"It's not what we know but what we do that counts." -Our Daily Bread
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." -Dumbledore, Harry Potter 2
"Girls should assume that until a guy expresses interest, they're just friends." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl
"True love doesn't just wait; it plans." -Boy Meets Girl
"Eros will have naked bodies; friendship naked personalities." -C.S. Lewis
"Ideals are like stars; we will not succeed in touching them with our hands but by following them, as the sea faring man in the ocean, we will reach our destiny." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl
I am not really used to wearing dresses, in fact I haven't worn any since the time I've become aware of my appearance. The last time I wore one was when we came to church during the christmas celebration when I was still a kid. Sadly I can't post a copy of the pic here, but it sure was funny because I was wearing a pair rubber shoes with it. I was eating a popsicle stick in the picture, with my face smudged with melted ice cream on both cheeks. Our scanner is busted so I can't upload a copy in here, but I will not be afraid of posting it since I find it very entertaining. As I have said, I am not very conscious yet of my appearance that time and my mother either doesn't have a very good fashion statement. (she's the one who was dressing us up then).
Then came my number, and I began to feel more nervous. Though I managed not to make it show while I was giving some talk before I start, it showed during the performance. I had several stops during the song, because my mouth gets dry out of nervousness. So instead of swallowing uncontrollably while singing a word, what I did is stop to take breaths and give my mouth some time to wet. And to top it off, the guy playing the guitar is also nervous and so that made him play a little faster and that's also one of the reasons why I ran out of breath. The song even has a part that will require a little belting and that even made me more breathless. It really went fine during our practice but the performance itself was a mess. The song is Glowing Inside by Nikki Gil originally done for the Vaseline shampoo commercial as a tribute to the graduates' moms, and I particularly chose that song because the message went well with the occasion (it's actually already the closest I can get).
Wow... It'd been a very long time since I've had my last post. I am not really a frequent updater or a regular poster. It shows naman diba? ^_^. Yeah I know reich and din-din.. I've been gone for years (overstatement). This is actually already the "regular" blog update for me. You guys should already get used to it, for if I'm going to blog about the long absence, this would already be a regular introduction everytime I post.
