Life can seem unbearable at times, but don't let it keep you down. Meditate on God's goodness, talk to Him, and know that He hears you. When life knocks you to your knees, you're in a good position to pray.
Monday, January 10, 2005
On Romantic Relationships
Had some serious talk with a former "special friend". This former "special friend" of mine wants everything to be like how we had it before. I really don't totally disagree with that, but I have made a decision right now to wait. Waiting in a sense that we could still have ample amount of time to get to know each other more and ourselves, and arrive to a conclusion that we really are serious about what's going on between the two of us, and how sure we are of what we feel for each other.
I like the way he responded to that. From how I saw it, he understood what I feel and he's willing to make space for it. I know I wasn't able to explain him very well what I really want to happen and why I want it, so I'm still having doubts if he really understood me. But if he told me he understand, I'd rather believe him. I'm giving him my trust, trust that what he told me is true. In the same way, I was grateful that he have given me his trust by understanding what and how I feel, even it may seem ambiguous to him.
It will take me a lot of space in this blog again before I could make a recount about it and explain everything, but having a talk with him made me recall what I have read in the books I bought about how to handle dating or courtship, and learning to put your love life under Christ's control which are the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris and "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. I would like to have my own words or expression about the topic, but seems at the time of this writing I can't think of how I'd write it here. So I will just put several lines in those books that made me think through deciding to be with him again, or to wait in God's time and allow ourselves to think over it.
from I Kissed Dating Goodbye
If we truly trust in Jesus Christ, we die to our old way of living. And we can no longer live for ourselves---we now live for God and for the good of others.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4.
Relationship with the opposite sex is not about "having a good time" or "learning what I want in a relationship". It's not about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To want the person's purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her. Christ taught that love is not for the fulfillment of self but for the glory of God, and for the good of others.
Love is expressed in self-control, patience, and even words left unsaid.
Waiting until I'm ready for commitment before pursuing romance is just one example of letting Christ's love control my relationships with the opposite sex. I'm learning to make God's Word, not my feelings, the guide.
True love is not measured or governed by feeling. By inflating the importance of feelings, we neglect the importance of putting love in action. When we evaluate the quality of our love for someone else simply by our own emotional fulfillment, we are being selfish. We express true love in obedience to God and service to others---not reckless or selfless behavior---and we choose these behaviors.
The joy of intimacy is the REWARD of commitment.
The best relationships are between two people who care more about each other's good than their own momentary pleasure.
True love waits. It waits for the right time to commit to God's brand of love---unwavering, unflagging, and totally committed. Committed. Sincere. Selfless. Responsible.
The Wycliff Bible Commentary says, "Love should not be stirred up before its proper time, because the love relationship, unless carefully guarded, may cause grief instead of the great joy it should bring to the human heart.
Basically, what Josh wants to impart in his book is to take into consideration the other person's view before God, specially his or her purity. We all know that getting into a relationship with the opposite sex expose us to being passionate and physically intimate with that person, which when not controlled leads us to sexual impurity. And when we commit such, we only not sin against God, but also ourselves. Other consequences are: we develop a guilt complex, negative consequences arise in your life, and your testimony is ruined.
from Passion and Purity
God's time for further revelation of the heart might come later. Tomorrow was not our business; it was His.
(On longing for that person and waiting in God's time for love) Taken in the right spirit, these things will give us patient endurance; this in turn will develop a mature character, and a character of this sort produces a steady hope, a hope that will never disappoint us. The effect of the troubles depends not on the nature of the trouble themselves but on how you receive them.
The deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our own way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.
If you love someone, there are many things you will do for that person because you love him---not because it's what you'd prefer if love did not enter the picture.
It's the control of passion, not its eradication, that is needed.
On Elisabeth Elliot's Passion and Purity, this actually sums up to offering your love life and putting it under God's control, trusting Him that he will only give you the very best, and learning to wait in His time.
I just hope I could tell all of these to him, and hope he understands.
And to you my friend, "I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers." I Corinthians 1:16
I don't intend this to be my life's chronicles but I might write some of my experiences here.
Even so, everything that's written in here are either products of my excessive contemplation, or just plainly, pure boredom.
In any case, I still try to write as sensible as possible, for what I really intend to do and I hope is achieved in every writing,
is to impart or share some of the things I learn and sometimes, some struggles in life. Don't expect all seriousness in everything in here though.
In short, this blog is my outlet. My noted thoughts and reflections.
About Me
Name: Goldi
Home: Pasay City, Philippines
Birthday: June 2
Hobbies & Interests: Jesus, music, books, journals, internet, computers, tech stuff, gadgets * sound tripping, singing, playing musical instruments (I know guitar and flute recorder, I just wish I can play them well), watching movie with a tub of popcorn drizzled with melted butter (yum!), reading * observing, pondering, reflecting, learning * laughing or making people laugh (though I'm not good at it) and laugh with them, make people smile, or just listen to their stories. Minsan, trip ko lang din mang-asar =p
About Me: I'm a simple, idealistic but down-to-earth, & friendly person. Quiet most of the time, but friendly enough to have a nice talk (or even a hearty laugh) with anyone. "I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 NLT
Principles I live by:
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
"If people talk negatively about you, live in such a way that no one will believe them."
"God is a God of happy endings. If you're not yet happy, it's not yet the end."
"It's not what we know but what we do that counts." -Our Daily Bread
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." -Dumbledore, Harry Potter 2
"Girls should assume that until a guy expresses interest, they're just friends." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl
"True love doesn't just wait; it plans." -Boy Meets Girl
"Eros will have naked bodies; friendship naked personalities." -C.S. Lewis
"Ideals are like stars; we will not succeed in touching them with our hands but by following them, as the sea faring man in the ocean, we will reach our destiny." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl
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