Life can seem unbearable at times, but don't let it keep you down. Meditate on God's goodness, talk to Him, and know that He hears you. When life knocks you to your knees, you're in a good position to pray.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Wee.. No Surf Control!
Surf control has been lifted for several days already. Hmmm... I wonder what's going on with the IT, but it's actually a great advantage to us since we can so easily go to any site that we want to go to, and that means I can easily check my mails in yahoo and gmail, and more so update my blog. On with my thoughts...
This is actually one of the things that I can't understand with myself. I'm feeling better now compared to the previous days, but I can't tell yet if I'm totally okay already. 'Course it's not a good sign if you continue to dwell on something bad for a long time, and it's not really healthy to dwell on past things, it prevents you from moving on. You get stuck and you don't get to do the things that you should do, or to work on things that you need to work on. I'm not really dwelling on it, but I still keep on contemplating since I want to move on, but I don't know or I haven't decided what to do yet. If you're moving towards change, it involves decisions. And that's what I'm going through right now.
What I was actually thinking is when I should start moving towards that change. I want improvement, and improvement means change, and change means leaving some things that you've been comfortable with behind, together with the things that you so much wanted to let go as well. There are things that need to be sacrificed if I want to have this change. And that, I think, is the only thing that stops me. The fact that I'd be getting out of my comfort zone, to welcome new things that I don't know whether it's going to be a lot more enjoyable, or if it's going to be something that I'd regret. Going there means no turning back. 'Course I still have a choice to go back, but that's not going to be a good decision either.
I am almost done contemplating, well at least I'd like to think I'd be arriving on a decision soon. The sooner the better, because time goes on and it won't stop for me, so I must go with it too. So far, I found that the the change I wanted to go to doesn't cost me anything bad, other than the reason that I'd be leaving the comforts I have in my current spot. It even opens me to a lot more opportunities and a lot more benefits I guess. Anyway, I wouldn't know what's there in store for me if I'm not going to take the risk.
I think I have been missing on some of God's promises in times that I get confused and gets in a limbo of making decisions in my life. Life's busy-ness and negative emotions have clouded the good things I've learned in life that I've almost forgotten them. I should not forget that God is always with us if we allow Him to. It is through putting these thoughts into writing that I see more clearly that I have been missing on things and that I should constantly be reminded of, especially at times that we lose hope. It is really good to keep notes, and I'd like to quote some of the passages I took note in my little quotes notebook for myself, and to the people who gets to read this blog entry.
I can't remember the exact words of one quote I received one time through text message that says something about taking risks. It compared taking risks to exploring the sea for an unchartered land. You won't be able to discover what's in store for you there if you don't go beyond the security and comfort of your shores, and you won't see the land if you're not willing to explore the vastness of the sea. Yeah, something like that. ^_^
For the fear of the unknown, here's what the Lord says:
All things work together for good to those who love God. -Romans 8:28
So why worry, right? I have God on my side!
One text message I received once said:
God made the world round so we would never be able to see too far down the road. Faith is not believing that God can; it's knowing that HE WILL.
For anything that we don't know, we always have our faith in God. Why have faith? Well, isn't the good things and lessons we've had through our lives a proof? We've been able to get out of life's tangles alive and is still here. When in doubt, count your blessings =).
And I didn't really think a time will come that I'm going to use this unkymood...
I just had one of the greatest disappointments in my life. Things have not been happening as how I want it to be. I am okay most of the time, but not happy, and now I feel almost devastated.
I am still thinking if I'm going to write here the most recent events in my life, because It's very disappointing and I don't think I'd be comfortable sharing it with other people. I would like my friends to know what happened, and this is one way to let them know, but this space is published online and everyone else can view it. Anyway, I'm still thinking, so I might write the details here some day.
Basta ngayon, I'm really not feeling okay. I got mixed emotions. Disappointment would be the strongest, and others are regret, lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, and loneliness. I feel like a big loser, with a big "L" written on my forehead. I was even on the verge of crying yesterday, that I wanted to run some place else where I can scream and shout and let loose. I even wanted to drink, to make me forget myself at least for a while, something that I don't really do. I actually wanted to cry at that moment. It's just that I'm not in a place where I can freely let my tears flow.
Kaya yun, I resolved to making myself feel better by at least going to the mall and take a walk. Palamig lang ba. I actually wanted to go to a much more relaxing and less crowded place before that but I already felt a little better after several hours of holding back my tears and so I just wanted to make myself a little happy by probably just staying a little while in a coffee shop or watch a movie. Well, I don't think the tear-holding-back did not really make me feel better. I don't know, but the intense feeling of crying suddenly subsided out of just plainly holding it. Maybe it just went away for a while but I know, once it suddenly goes back into my thoughts again, I won't be able to stop myself from feeling distressed and sorry for myself.
I can only describe how I feel now. And this is not even the whole thing yet. This is just half of it. I'm starting to get confused, perplexed. I don't know what to feel. Basta.
Sa totoo lang, you won't notice I'm feeling this way when you see me in person, unless you observe me for a moment and you know me very well. I'm not an emotional person, and my friends usually tell that my face is most of the time expression-less, making me look like mataray. Ewan ko ba. I've asked my friend yesterday if it's something bad and if I have to worry about it, binalik nya lang sa kin yun tanong tapos dinagdagan nya ng "may masama ba syang epekto sayo?" I've thought of it and I think wala naman, or none that I know of, but I was also concerned about how it affects the people around me. I mean, it doesn't harm me, but I don't think it's helping me either. Kaya napapaisip ako. Ay ewan.
Magulo, magulo talaga. Details to follow na lang siguro. Basta the reasons are career, lovelife, and family problem. I just hope I'd be able to share and write it here nga lang.
I don't intend this to be my life's chronicles but I might write some of my experiences here.
Even so, everything that's written in here are either products of my excessive contemplation, or just plainly, pure boredom.
In any case, I still try to write as sensible as possible, for what I really intend to do and I hope is achieved in every writing,
is to impart or share some of the things I learn and sometimes, some struggles in life. Don't expect all seriousness in everything in here though.
In short, this blog is my outlet. My noted thoughts and reflections.
About Me
Name: Goldi
Home: Pasay City, Philippines
Birthday: June 2
Hobbies & Interests: Jesus, music, books, journals, internet, computers, tech stuff, gadgets * sound tripping, singing, playing musical instruments (I know guitar and flute recorder, I just wish I can play them well), watching movie with a tub of popcorn drizzled with melted butter (yum!), reading * observing, pondering, reflecting, learning * laughing or making people laugh (though I'm not good at it) and laugh with them, make people smile, or just listen to their stories. Minsan, trip ko lang din mang-asar =p
About Me: I'm a simple, idealistic but down-to-earth, & friendly person. Quiet most of the time, but friendly enough to have a nice talk (or even a hearty laugh) with anyone. "I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 NLT
Principles I live by:
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
"If people talk negatively about you, live in such a way that no one will believe them."
"God is a God of happy endings. If you're not yet happy, it's not yet the end."
"It's not what we know but what we do that counts." -Our Daily Bread
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." -Dumbledore, Harry Potter 2
"Girls should assume that until a guy expresses interest, they're just friends." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl
"True love doesn't just wait; it plans." -Boy Meets Girl
"Eros will have naked bodies; friendship naked personalities." -C.S. Lewis
"Ideals are like stars; we will not succeed in touching them with our hands but by following them, as the sea faring man in the ocean, we will reach our destiny." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl
Surf control has been lifted for several days already. Hmmm... I wonder what's going on with the IT, but it's actually a great advantage to us since we can so easily go to any site that we want to go to, and that means I can easily check my mails in yahoo and gmail, and more so update my blog. On with my thoughts...
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