.:: Goldi's Noted Thoughts ::.
Sometimes I believe all the lies
so I can do the things I should despise.
And everyday I am swayed
by whatever is on my mind.

I hear it all depends on my faith
so I'm feeling precarious.
The only problem I have with these
mysteries is they're so mysterious.

And like a consumer I've been thinkin'
if I could just get a bit more...
More than my fifteen minutes of faith,
Then I'd be secure...

My faith is like shifting sand,
changed by every wave...
My faith is like shifting sand
so I stand on grace...
Stand on grace.

I begged You for some proof
for my Thomas eyes to see.
A slithering staff, a leprous hand,
and lions resting lazily.

A glimpse of Your backside glory
on this soaked altar going ablaze.
But You know I've seen so much,
I explained it away...

My faith is like shifting sand
changed by every wave...
My faith is like shifting sand
so I stand on grace

Waters rose as my doubts reign
My sand castle faith have slipped away
I found myself standing on Your grace
It'd been there all the time

My faith is like shifting sand
changed by every wave...
My faith is like shifting sand
so I stand on grace...
Stand on grace.
Life can seem unbearable at times, but don't let it keep you down. Meditate on God's goodness, talk to Him, and know that He hears you. When life knocks you to your knees, you're in a good position to pray.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Not Good
I actually feel like all of these now...

and


And I didn't really think a time will come that I'm going to use this unkymood...



I just had one of the greatest disappointments in my life. Things have not been happening as how I want it to be. I am okay most of the time, but not happy, and now I feel almost devastated.

I am still thinking if I'm going to write here the most recent events in my life, because It's very disappointing and I don't think I'd be comfortable sharing it with other people. I would like my friends to know what happened, and this is one way to let them know, but this space is published online and everyone else can view it. Anyway, I'm still thinking, so I might write the details here some day.

Basta ngayon, I'm really not feeling okay. I got mixed emotions. Disappointment would be the strongest, and others are regret, lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, and loneliness. I feel like a big loser, with a big "L" written on my forehead. I was even on the verge of crying yesterday, that I wanted to run some place else where I can scream and shout and let loose. I even wanted to drink, to make me forget myself at least for a while, something that I don't really do. I actually wanted to cry at that moment. It's just that I'm not in a place where I can freely let my tears flow.

Kaya yun, I resolved to making myself feel better by at least going to the mall and take a walk. Palamig lang ba. I actually wanted to go to a much more relaxing and less crowded place before that but I already felt a little better after several hours of holding back my tears and so I just wanted to make myself a little happy by probably just staying a little while in a coffee shop or watch a movie. Well, I don't think the tear-holding-back did not really make me feel better. I don't know, but the intense feeling of crying suddenly subsided out of just plainly holding it. Maybe it just went away for a while but I know, once it suddenly goes back into my thoughts again, I won't be able to stop myself from feeling distressed and sorry for myself.

I can only describe how I feel now. And this is not even the whole thing yet. This is just half of it. I'm starting to get confused, perplexed. I don't know what to feel. Basta.

Sa totoo lang, you won't notice I'm feeling this way when you see me in person, unless you observe me for a moment and you know me very well. I'm not an emotional person, and my friends usually tell that my face is most of the time expression-less, making me look like mataray. Ewan ko ba. I've asked my friend yesterday if it's something bad and if I have to worry about it, binalik nya lang sa kin yun tanong tapos dinagdagan nya ng "may masama ba syang epekto sayo?" I've thought of it and I think wala naman, or none that I know of, but I was also concerned about how it affects the people around me. I mean, it doesn't harm me, but I don't think it's helping me either. Kaya napapaisip ako. Ay ewan.

Magulo, magulo talaga. Details to follow na lang siguro. Basta the reasons are career, lovelife, and family problem. I just hope I'd be able to share and write it here nga lang.
posted by goldiqt @ 4:31 PM

2 Comment(s):

whatever it is you're feeling, i'm sure God will see you through it. =)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 19, 2006 12:23 AM  
   

Ei Goldi! Yeah hirap nga magpost talaga madalas ng personal problems dito sa blog pero anyway I know you are a strong person kaya lilipas din yan =)

By Blogger Janice, at November 20, 2006 1:13 AM  
     

 

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About This Blog
I don't intend this to be my life's chronicles but I might write some of my experiences here. Even so, everything that's written in here are either products of my excessive contemplation, or just plainly, pure boredom. In any case, I still try to write as sensible as possible, for what I really intend to do and I hope is achieved in every writing, is to impart or share some of the things I learn and sometimes, some struggles in life. Don't expect all seriousness in everything in here though.

In short, this blog is my outlet. My noted thoughts and reflections.

About Me

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Name: Goldi

Home: Pasay City, Philippines

Birthday: June 2

Hobbies & Interests: Jesus, music, books, journals, internet, computers, tech stuff, gadgets * sound tripping, singing, playing musical instruments (I know guitar and flute recorder, I just wish I can play them well), watching movie with a tub of popcorn drizzled with melted butter (yum!), reading * observing, pondering, reflecting, learning * laughing or making people laugh (though I'm not good at it) and laugh with them, make people smile, or just listen to their stories. Minsan, trip ko lang din mang-asar =p

About Me: I'm a simple, idealistic but down-to-earth, & friendly person. Quiet most of the time, but friendly enough to have a nice talk (or even a hearty laugh) with anyone. "I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 NLT

Principles I live by:

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4

"If people talk negatively about you, live in such a way that no one will believe them."

"God is a God of happy endings. If you're not yet happy, it's not yet the end."

"It's not what we know but what we do that counts." -Our Daily Bread

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." -Dumbledore, Harry Potter 2

"Girls should assume that until a guy expresses interest, they're just friends." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl

"True love doesn't just wait; it plans." -Boy Meets Girl

"Eros will have naked bodies; friendship naked personalities." -C.S. Lewis

"Ideals are like stars; we will not succeed in touching them with our hands but by following them, as the sea faring man in the ocean, we will reach our destiny." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl

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