Life can seem unbearable at times, but don't let it keep you down. Meditate on God's goodness, talk to Him, and know that He hears you. When life knocks you to your knees, you're in a good position to pray.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Post Christmas Happenings
Just came from Star City. Still Feeling a little tired from long hours of standing waiting in the line for our turn on a ride. The theme park was so packed with people. We even saw a lot of kids crying while being carried by the security guard to the reception. They're lost.
I started this day, of course, with going to church. It's the Lord's day and it has become the family's habit to go to church every Sunday. My week won't be complete without it. And besides, it really helps strengthen my spiritual self, and I get to mingle with people of my same faith and belief. Nga lang, late na naman ako :(. Kakainis nga eh. I can come to work early, and I'm even afraid of being late, but I seem to be so lax about my lack of time discipline during my weekly meeting with God's family. Makes me feel guilty always, but the thing is, I'm not even doing something to correct it. Well, since new year is near, I'm already thinking and organizing the resolutions I'd be making for the coming year, and one them is to have discipline in everything. I just hope I'd be able to do it.
After the service, I decided to commit my time in teaching in Sunday School again. It's been quite a long time since I took a rest in ministry, which I shouldn't have done in the first place. I joined the meeting and volunteered myself to take over the teens since they don't have someone to teach them now because their former teacher will be leaving. Also, this is an opportunity for me not only to get back into ministry again, but also to share what I know with the kids. I know this is a great responsibility but, I have already prepared myself for it (hope so) and I chose to take it, so go for it. :)
I also decided to join the ensemble in CCI naman. Another ministry. This one naman is singing. I used to be a part of the choir din kasi when I was still a bum. I joined because it feels great to sing for the Lord too. :) I enjoy doing it. Besides, our choir director at our church before invited me to join in. I was just hesitant at first because I don't know if I'd be able to give my commitment. But now, I guess I'd be able to squeeze it somehow in my schedule. Maganda rin naman pati syang stress reliever. :)
My siblings wanted to watch a movie so we went straight to Ayala malls after the meeting. There we watched Enteng Kabisote ni Vic Sotto. It's Filipino Film Fest so all the movies being shown are Pinoy. Maganda rin naman yung movie. After that, nagyaya naman sila to Star City. On our way outside the mall, I saw someone unexpected. I was so overwhelmed when I saw Ina Magenta in the movie Enteng Kabisote in the flesh. She, G. Toengi, just passed beside me. You won't notice her at first kasi she's dressed to blend in with the crowd and she looks like she's in a hurry and she's tagging a friend along. Cute nya in person. Hindi kataasan, but she's indeed sexy. Slim.
We arrived at Star City at around 7pm ata yun. I got a ride-all-you-can pass for all of us. Grabe, andaming tao. Hindi namin nasakyan lahat dahil mahahaba ang pila. Ubos oras na, ngawit ka pa sa kakatayo. Pero okay lang din. Kahit paano nag-enjoy naman kami.
I can't help but remember some of the memories I've had in that place last year. My folks spent their Christmas with my grandies in the province, and I having work, wasn't able to go with them. However I have my cousin Aireen with me that time and so we just went on to some gimiks with her boyfriend to at least enjoy the holiday. We went then to Star City, Aireen with her boyfriend, and me then with my "now" X (alam nyo na naman siguro yan no). La lang. It's one of those "getting-to-know" dates pa lang namin kasi. *Nya nya, nya nya nya.. goldi's becoming mushy... :P* Eh sa naiisip ko eh. Minsan, I can't help pa but to tell my sister some of the details I can still remember. Mabuti nga hindi ako kinantyawan nun. I see to it naman kasi na hindi ako naging over :D. Pero kung kasama namin sina Aireen, malamang unang banggit ko pa lang, tinukso na ko ng mga yon. Bakit naman kasi kailangan pang maalala yun. Haaay... Those were the days. :) Parang kailan lang...
Yes! Finally I finished my new layout! It's not really a totally new layout, because I still used the same picture and same colors, I just change some. This is what I really want my layout to look like. Kasi kapag mataas ang resolution, nagkakaroon ng extrang space sa gilid, so I tried to find out how I can make it stay in the middle. And I changed some of the colors. So far, I am satisfied with what I did. :)
Christmas has just passed. Parang wala lang sa kin. Just like another day, a little different from the ordinary. It's not that I don't feel the essence of Christmas, but you know, everything we do during Christmas can be done on a daily basis diba? Sabagay, it's still different. Saka pati, may pasok ako sa trabaho. Feeling ko nga naubos na ang tao sa Pilipinas nung papasok na ko eh. I saw a totally different Makati kasi. Halos walang tao. Deserted. This is actually not a wholly new experience for me 'cause I've also spent my Christmas at work last year. I was on probation then kaya di muna ako nag-leave. Saka pinagbawal ng Team Manager before. Ang kaibahan nga lang nun, panggabi ako kaya I literally spent my Christmas at work. Ngayon kasi morning shift na ko, so I was at least able to spend the night before Christmas with my family. On duty din ang tatay namin kaya he decided to just let us spend our Christmas with Tita Ava in San Pedro, Laguna. Lola and my other aunt is also there. Kaso naman, natulog lang din ako ng Noche Buena eh. May pasok kasi ako kinabukasan kaya umidlip muna ko, kaso hindi naman ako ginising nung kumakain na sila. Wala din. Tulog lang ako. :P
I woke up very early today, 'cause I don't know how long my ride will take from San Pedro to Makati, and I don't want to be late (again). I ate some left-overs from last night's Noche Buena, then head off to work. Pagadating ko sa work, nakasabay ko sina Lei & Mel sa elevator. I asked how was their night (they're working on Christmas eve) at sinabi nila sa kin na nag-iyakan daw ang iba. Hehehe.. most of the GY peeps now are ladies... emotional ladies. They weren't able to bear kasi the fact that they are spending Christmas away from their family. Petty ba? Honestly, I do think it is. But I also understand how they feel. Women are naturally emotional. And it is really sad when you think of your family having the time of their lives together because not all of the time you'll get to see each other all in the house except during holidays like this, and when you look at yourself, you are slaving yourself at work instead of exchanging some talks and laughs with your loved ones. Well, ganun talaga. And that means they'll have to wait for 365 days again before they get a chance to spend Christmas with their family. That is, if they don't have work.
Tapos ng kwento, there some foods left in the stations. Since they spent their Christmas eve at work, the company has provided something to eat for Noche Buena. Masarap din nman yung food eh. I helped myself on some chocolate cake that's left, ate a peanut butter glazed doughnut, and a sans rival. Puro sweets no? And puro leftovers :P. Syempre may mga nauna nang kumain e :D. Got just a few calls so this day just went on lightly. Aba naman, Christmas eve ano, patawarin naman na nila ang holiday :D. Syemps habang downtime, I worked on the layout of this blog. And this is the finish product. :)
Yun lang naman for this day. Merry Christmas to you all. And Happy New Year. ;)
We had our company's Christmas Party last Sunday at the Shangri La Makati. It's my first time to go in a hotel like that. Yeah, true. Weird no? Parang taga-bundok. :D Okay naman sya. :) The food was okay too, and I specially liked the desserts. :) yummy!
We just had a few picture takings using our camera phones. Kasama ko sina Zig, Nina, Arnold, Liza, and Tess. Me, Nina, Arnold and Zig stayed a little later kasi inintay talaga ni Zig yung raffle and he begged us to stay with him para daw may kasabay sya pauwi.
Unfortunately, I can't post the pics here yet 'cause my digicam is still busted. I haven't had it repaired. Yun kasi ang ginagamit kong card reader before. Kainis nga eh. I bought it at a cheap price kasi, and I have only used it for about 5 months and now, it's already dead. Now, I'm working on finding out how I can use a DKU-2 cable to connect my phone to our pc so I can do some file transfers and right now, I haven't figured it out. I just hope I can post the pics as soon as possible.
Sunod sunod na gimik nga ang pinuntahan ko eh. Well actually, that's just two consecutive nights of staying outside home until the break of the dawn. Nung Saturday, the night before our Christmas party, I went to party with my college friends at Malate. Wala lang, naingayan lang ako. Sa Legend kami pumunta, a bar beside Padi's. Hindi ko naman talaga gustong pumunta eh, kaya lang it's some sort of reunion of the barkada kaya nagpaunlak na rin ako. Kakahiya eh, kasi nung unang reunion, hindi ako nakasama. Bumawi lang ako ngayon. And we partied 'til 4am. And take note ha, may pasok ako ng 6am ng Sunday nun. Me pasok din me nung Saturday morning, kaya ang labas ko, walang tulog. Kaya lang pag-uwi ko, hindi ko rin kinaya eh. Balak ko kasi sana, deretso na ko pasok ng Sunday morning, kaso wala na kong palit-palit at ligo-ligo nun pag nagkataon, eh me Christmas Party nga ng 6pm kaya umuwi ako to change and try to take a bath. Kaya lang, naisip ko, baka magkasakit ako sa gagawin ko kaya nag-call in ako for half-day. And everything went like that. Nasa unahan na yung kwento ko ng sunday.:p baliktad no? :D
I'm not really the party goer type. It's just that I was invited to go to a party. And I stay if my friends will request me to, but not really because I'm enjoying the night. Well, I do enjoy it, depends on the atmosphere. I don't like the noisy type kasi e, katulad nung pinuntahan namin nung saturday. Ang ingay talaga, lakas ng sounds. Saka, hindi naman ako mahilig sumayaw. And I don't drink. Like what I've said, I just go to party because I'm invited, but I don't do all that's being done in a party. I have my limitations. Or better said, convictions. I still socialize, but it doesn't mean I will do everything (nasabi ko na ata yun). Basta, eto ang ibig kong sabihin: "Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything. 1 Corinthians 6:12 NIV. Syemps, ito ang mundong ginagalawan ko, but that doesn't mean I will always "move with it". If it's wrong, don't do it. Hindi naman ibig sabihin na ginagawa ng madami, tama na eh. We must admit, not everything that feels good is good and beneficial. Basta, yun yun.
Yun lang. Gusto ko lang i-share. I might be posting the pics some other time.
Haay.. nothing worthwhile to blog about. Pagka magpo-post ako, lagi akong nahihirapang mag-isip ng title. Pag nahirapan ako mag-isip ng title, ibig sabihin, hirap din akong mag-isip ng isusulat ko. Baliw no? hahahaha!
Anyway, bago ako matuluyan, eto na. I just came from a sales training. A few select from our team was trained for a new account which is sales, which is so different from customer service, and I'm one of the few. Grabe naman oh, sabi nang ayoko nga ng sales eh, eto't napunta na naman ako sa pagbebenta. Dati kasi, I'm doing sales in my previous job, nga lang, local. But I'd say, mahirap. Hindi naman talaga magiging mahirap ang sales, kung hindi sa mga hinahabol na quota at conversion rates. Actually, masaya nga sya kasi para kang nagco-commercial. You have to deliver your product to your customer in a very appealing way. At nagbabasa ka lang ng script. The hard and not so fun part is, yung aabot sa point na kailangan mo nang mambola at magsabi ng kung ano anong minsan eh hindi naman totoo para lang makabenta.
Ngayon, we're already taking calls. And we only had 3 days training, including the nesting period. Ang tindi no? Sabi ko na nga lang minsan, bahala na. Minsan nga, hindi ko na alam ang sinasabi ko pag nagtanong ang customer. Basta, yes na lang ng yes. :D
Tapos ngayon, nag-iisip akong baguhin ang layout ng blog ko. Minsan kasi, nahihirapan akong mag-isip ng isusulat dahil sa theme ng blog ko eh. Nga lang, hirap din akong mag-isip ng layout, kaya hanggang ngayon, di ko pa mapalitan. Ang iniisip ko na lng, gagawa na lng siguro ako ng bukod na blog para sa mga nangyayari lang sa buhay ko, tapos 'tong blog na to, sulatan ko lang pag gusto kong mag-reflect sa kung ano mang napag-aralan ko about God for the day. So that means, masmadalang kong maa-update ang blog na to. Wag naman sana. Mas maganda ata kung may matutuhan ka bawat araw tungkol sa Creator and Savior, at sa values na gusto nyang gawin natin. Living a Holy and acceptable life ba.
Pero maganda na rin siguro kung dito ko na lang din isulat lahat. Ah basta, bahala na.
Christmas na. Hindi ko ramdam. Christmas na, at eto na naman ako, walang boyfriend. Hindi naman ako naghahanap eh, pero masaya din naman siguro kung meron diba. Pero, ayoko ma-focus ang utak ko sa pag-iisip lang ng tungkol sa boyfriend. Nga lang kasi naman eh, parang bawat makakakita sayo, lalo na ang mga friends, tatanungin kung may boyfriend ka. At pag nalamang wala, ang tanong agad eh, "BAKIT?" Bakit? Kailangan ba yun? Minsan nga, nakaka-rindi na eh. Pero minsan nga, naiisip ko din, masaya din naman ang meron. Pero, Matthew 6:33 muna tayo dapat. And Psalms 37:4.
Galing kami kahapon ni Nina sa Divisoria eh. Namili kami ng pang-regalo. Grabe, andaming tao! Nabugbog ang katawan ko ng dahil lang sa kabubunggo sa mga taong dumadaan at sa mga dala dala nilang pinamili. Hindi rin naman nakapagtataka eh, dahil sobrang mura sa Divisoria. Minsan nga, nagtataka ko kung paano nagawa yung mga paninda e. I mean, kung iisipin mo yung pwede mong magastos sa paggawa ng mga bagay na yun, eh parang wala pa sa puhunan ang presyo nila. At nagbabayad ba ng tax ang mga gumagawa nun? Ang mura kasi talaga eh.
Si Candy, na-Dengue. Kailangan daw ng blood transfusion. Worried nga ko eh, kasi alam ko, delikado ang sakit na yun. Pakitulungan nyo naman ako, kahit sa prayer. A prayer will be a great help. Sana maka-recover na sya. Tinawagan ko ngayon lang. Palabas na pala sya bukas eh. Thank God. Hope she gets well soon.
Mamaya naman, me gimik kami ng mga classmate ko nung college sa TUP Manila. Parang reunion ba. Alanganin nga eh, kasi may pasok ako kinabukasan ng maaga. Tapos after ng pasok ko bukas, Christmas Party naman ng company namin. Hay naku, kayanin ko kaya ito? Di bale, ngayon lang naman to eh. Buti na lang, rest day ko sa Monday.
I just wish I can write something about God naman here, ulit. Medyo I'm becoming spiritually down na naman ngayon eh. Please pray for me in that particular area of my life din ha. I mean, my spiritual life. Pabago bago talaga ang faith ko... Parang shifting sand.
Aw... this feeling struck me again. I know I'm not supposed to feel like this.. I mean, with all the friends that surrounds me and with Jesus in my life... but this is different. It still helps to confess and admit what you really feel, even if I know very well that I should not be feeling like this, pero iba talaga eh.
What I'm talking about is the "loneliness" that most of us feel. You know. It's when you are surrounded by loving and caring friends and family, and with Jesus Christ in your life, but there is still the longing for "someone" to share your love with... a companion.
We all know that humans were created with that... the instinct to look for a companion. That was the very reason why Eve was created, right? For Adam to have a suitable companion.
I am actually struggling now with this kind of feeling. As a matter of fact, eversince (I don't know when :P). At times, I would just convince myself, "there are other more important things that you should be thinking about" but the feeling just won't go. Though most of the time I find myself sound with the love Christ is giving me, there are still times that I can't help but think, "why do I feel so alone? Is there someone that God has created for me?" or "Is there a guy that would quench this thirst for a companion of mine? If so, when will I meet him?" That was just a thought, but that doesn't mean I'm growing impatient about it, and that that's all that is going about my mind. Well, I at least hope I won't come to that time that I'd become impatient. If God calls me to be single, I hope and pray that God will give me the inner peace and acceptance of that fact. May God's will prevail. Have faith.
My faith is like shifting sand, changed by every wave.. so I stand on grace. (words from the song "Shifting Sand" by Caedmon's Call)
I got up early one morning
And rushed right into the day:
I had so much to accomplish
That I didn't have time to pray.
Problems just tumbled about me,
And heavier came each task.
"Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered.
He answered, "you didn't ask."
I wanted to see joy and beauty,
But the day toiled on, gray and bleak.
I wondered why God didn't show me,
He said, "but you didn't seek."
I tried to come into God's presence:
I used all my keys in the lock.
God gently and lovingly chided,
"My child, you didn't knock."
I woke up early this morning,
And paused before entering the day.
i had so much to accomplish,
That I had to take time to pray. (Anonymous)
*********
I just asked Rona during ministry time to pray for my prayer life. This has been my long time problem. I am having difficulties in dedicating a time for prayer to God. I can pray any time I want but you know, it's just different if you dedicate a certain time just for talking to the Lord. I just find myself too tired or having other "more important things to do" than to start a quiet time for the Lord. I have tried it so many times. I did it however, well just for a short time. But I can't keep it regular.
I got the poem above from a paper that has been hanging in my cabinet since I don't know when. It was a long long time ago. I already can't remember. I love the poem because it struck me. I am very guilty of this. I hung this in my cabinet so that I'd be reminded all the time to pray but still, I can't do it regularly :(. I have long been wanting to make talking to God a habit so that I won't have to force myself to do it. It will just come out naturally. Though I find myself always talking to God on some times when my mind wanders, what I really want is a time that is only dedicated to having my quite time with God. (there's so many times! hahaha!) *buti pa nga yang sulat mo maraming time eh, ikaw ba meron?*
Enough said. I guess all I need is discipline. Set a certain time of the day where all you're going to do is just have a quite time. Ask a friend to remind you of that, and to do it together (at least on the same time) to add more power, or more drive. Think that's easy? Yeah.. easier said than done.
Anyway, maybe you have already figured it out (maybe), that if you want to make a change or if you want to do anything that seems to be already out of your control, you have to stop first... and of course, use the most powerful weapon that we have. That is, PRAYER. Seems ironic, eh? To have a regular prayer or quite time, I should pray for it? Well, yeah. As I've said, that is the most powerful weapon that we have. And the only one that we have.
Through prayer, we speak to God. Through prayer, we ask him our needs. And ask our needs. And ask all our needs. We always have time to ask what we need, but do we have time to just have a chat with the Father, and give him a recount on what happened to us throughout the day? Yes, God is all knowing, but like an earthly father, God wants to have a relationship with us. He delights in hearing us tell what's going on with our lives. Just like how our father is so eager to listen when we tell him we won a game. Or met a cute guy or girl. Or had a fight with a friend, and how bad we feel about it. Would our earthly fathers like to hear us just talk to them when we need something? Dad, I need money for my project. Dad, we have a field trip this weekend. Dad, I need this and I need that, right away. Are we being just sons and daughters when we need something?
Aw, that's a good thinking to start with. The real purpose why I should pray. In order to do that, you must love God wholeheartedly. Nothing's impossible if you're in love, am I right? You can almost do anything, even things you did not imagine. Nothing's impossible with love. Because God is love.
But my problem doesn't lie there. I think it's a battle between spirit and flesh. You know, you want to do it, but you body will tell you, aw you're too tired. You have to sleep early. You already don't have time for that. Or something like, hey there's a very nice movie that's going to be shown in the tv tonight, don't miss it. And that's where I need prayer, because my opponent here, is myself.
Lord God, our heavenly Father, I know you are aware of my struggle today. In Jesus name Lord, I humbly ask You to help me through the guidance and leading of the Holy Spirit, to overcome myself, the desires and calling of the flesh or my body to give up on Godly things which the Spirit delights. I don't want to do anything Lord just because it's my duty, but to do what pleases you because I love you. Lord I know you only become strong in my life if I admit I'm weak, so Lord God I totally surrender everything to you! I entrust you my life Lord God, and may I lead a life that pleases you Lord. Please help me in my struggles Lord God, specially in my prayer life. Thank you Father. All this asked humbly in Jesus name, amen.
Yey! Glad to be back in the morning shift again! Whoa! I've just been in the graveyard shift for two weeks and I felt like it's been almost a month! My schedules were ruined. I was not able to meet up with my cell group because I already don't have the time. I've had a hard time getting sleep in the morning and staying awake at midnight, talking to americans and answering their questions... though I am not doing much email as much as we do in the morning, I still find the graveyard shift more exhausting because you get to talk a lot, and that means you breathe a lot *grin*. Hehehe.. honestly, not only that. It's really very hard getting myself to sleep in the morning, when you know everyone's awake, and you hear a lot of noises like the TV, and the people talking, people coming in and out of the room (I share room with my sisters), my stomach grumbling... tapos anjan pa yung tatay ko na pag nakita kong gising pa, uutusan ako. Hello? Ala pa kaya kong tulog? But my father is not always like that naman eh. There are just times that he seem to be so insensitive.. at pag minsan, parang lalo pang nang-iinis. O baka it's just me so bugnutin (hehehe.. arte eh, no?)
Anyway, I'm done with the graveyard and here I am again, back in the morning shift. Graveyard shift is not really bad, kasi masmalaki ang bayad pag graveyard because of the night differential. I just had my activities planned with the morning shift in mind kaya I can't cope up with the graveyard shift these days kasi hindi pwede yung rest days ko pag panggabi. I will be having problems with my Church activities and other commitments so I'll have to choose a different rest day for the graveyard shift. Saka, masmarami akong nagagawa pag morning kasi syempre, normal hours yun. And I get to drop by the mall pa and buy the things I need whenever I want after my shift. Basta, masgusto ko ang morning. Siguro pag kailangan ko na lang talaga ng extra money, I'll go for the graveyard shift. :)
But right now, I'm still having a hard time getting everything organized again. I'm on the period of adjustment na naman (hay naku). Tinamaan ata ako ng katamaran eh. I haven't updated our support site yet, I can't seem to find the time (or I just tend to procrastinate a lot?) Argh! I don't like this! *Goldi??? You're getting lazy! That's bad!* I know, I know! I'm not liking it either... but it's just that my body is overpowering my will now... lagi na lang akong tinatamad. Oh Lord God, please help me...
I'll make some reflections later. This gets on my job's way. *Kung ano ano kasing pinaggagagawa mo Goldi eh, di mo muna unahin yang trabaho mo... talaga naman!* Opo. opo...
I'll get to work muna. I'll finish everything first para tuloy tuloy to. There are some more important things that needs to be done first. Kaya kayo, wag nyong sanayin ang sarili nyo sa manyana habit, o yung puro mamaya na.
I don't intend this to be my life's chronicles but I might write some of my experiences here.
Even so, everything that's written in here are either products of my excessive contemplation, or just plainly, pure boredom.
In any case, I still try to write as sensible as possible, for what I really intend to do and I hope is achieved in every writing,
is to impart or share some of the things I learn and sometimes, some struggles in life. Don't expect all seriousness in everything in here though.
In short, this blog is my outlet. My noted thoughts and reflections.
About Me
Name: Goldi
Home: Pasay City, Philippines
Birthday: June 2
Hobbies & Interests: Jesus, music, books, journals, internet, computers, tech stuff, gadgets * sound tripping, singing, playing musical instruments (I know guitar and flute recorder, I just wish I can play them well), watching movie with a tub of popcorn drizzled with melted butter (yum!), reading * observing, pondering, reflecting, learning * laughing or making people laugh (though I'm not good at it) and laugh with them, make people smile, or just listen to their stories. Minsan, trip ko lang din mang-asar =p
About Me: I'm a simple, idealistic but down-to-earth, & friendly person. Quiet most of the time, but friendly enough to have a nice talk (or even a hearty laugh) with anyone. "I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 NLT
Principles I live by:
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
"If people talk negatively about you, live in such a way that no one will believe them."
"God is a God of happy endings. If you're not yet happy, it's not yet the end."
"It's not what we know but what we do that counts." -Our Daily Bread
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." -Dumbledore, Harry Potter 2
"Girls should assume that until a guy expresses interest, they're just friends." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl
"True love doesn't just wait; it plans." -Boy Meets Girl
"Eros will have naked bodies; friendship naked personalities." -C.S. Lewis
"Ideals are like stars; we will not succeed in touching them with our hands but by following them, as the sea faring man in the ocean, we will reach our destiny." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl
