Life can seem unbearable at times, but don't let it keep you down. Meditate on God's goodness, talk to Him, and know that He hears you. When life knocks you to your knees, you're in a good position to pray.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Past Year's Recount (Part 1)
January 1, 2005. Time passes swiftly. I can't imagine we have a new year again, and it seems like yesterday since we have celebrated the new year of 2004. This has been a cliche though. Seems like people don't notice the passing of time so much, because the memorable things that happened to them make every happening as vivid as like it just happened yesterday. Oh well, that also shows a very apparent truth. We're getting older fast.
I can actually say that the year that has just passed is one of the crucial years in my life. I have tried several new things, made some major mistakes, learned, and got up again from stumbling. It's when I had my second boyfriend, after having none for almost 3 years since my first one. Everything is vivid because I've had my boyfriend at the very start of that year.
You might have thought that I have been so happy starting my year with having a boyfriend. I thought so too. But seems like choosing to have a boyfriend at that time is not a very good idea. Or maybe it's not the time, but the boyfriend that I have chosen that spoiled everything. Whatever it is, some things did not really turn out right.
I'm not really totally dreading the idea of having a boyfriend last year, and I also don't want to give the idea that my ex is bad. Actually, he's nice. We have just gone through some things that later became a big regret for me. I have been also longing to have a special someone then, but it seems like I have done something wrong. I have actually figured out what it is (with the help of the Lord) but I can't give a detail of that in here since that would be too personal already and I have some members of the family who knows this blog and I'm just not comfortable with them knowing my very personal accounts. I might have written a detailed one if I have kept my identity concealed. Actually, I'm planning to make another blog maybe later, where I can write everything and the anonimity of identity kept.
Having a boyfriend then maybe at the wrong time, or prematurely, made me go through some consequences that made me realize I have turned on the wrong direction. But the thing is, it came to a point that I have gone too far and I thought everything was hopeless. I was very guilty then, and the qualms of my conscience made me feel like I have committed an unforgivable sin specially in the sight of the Lord. It's not really a big deal, considering that there are other people who commit a more serious offense than what I have done. It's just that I have never imagined I'd be able to do such a sin. It was something that I thought I was very strong of, but later realized that it is my weakness.
Going through all of that, it really made me feel heavy and casted out from God's love. I felt like I don't deserve to be loved by God, because I depended on my pride and own strength, that I'd be able to overcome such things because I am confident that I have developed the right defense against such. I have forgotten to put my trust in Lord at all times, that He is our only strength, and that He only becomes strong in us when we admit we are weak. In other words, total submission. Surrender. But at one particular area of my life, I have been totally self reliant or trusting of my own strength and understanding, when what I should have done is "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5. It was also then that I totally understood that God's love is immeasurable, and God's grace is indescribable. What happened made me grow closer to God, and that's when I have fully understood his grace. God will not look at what you have done if you not only feel totally sorry of the mistake you have done, but also that you are willing make a "U" turn from it. In other words, total change of direction. Stopping on your tracks and pointing to the right direction. Putting an end on the wrong you're doing and totally turning away from it, never coming back from it. I have underestimated God's love and forgiveness for us. It made me cry when I knew how much he loves us and willing to forgive us, no matter what we have done. Just like the story of the prodigal son.
I'd like to share again, this song by Point of Grace, which talks about God's love and forgiveness, shown through Christ Jesus. The title of the song is Jesus Doesn't Care.
You tell me no one would love you
If they could see deep inside
You say your friends might desert you
If they knew the truth you hide
But there's one who knows you better
than you know yourself
And He still loves you more
than anybody else
Jesus doesn't care what you've done before
How you've rebelled or slammed the door
No matter how far you've run
Or how long you've been untrue
Jesus doesn't care, He still offers forgiveness to you
For so long you've run from the Father
Into a life of sin
And each time He lovingly called you
You turned your back on Him
No matter if your failures
are great or small
There's no way to hide them
He already knows them all
Jesus doesn't care what you've done before
How you've rebelled or slammed the door
No matter how far you've run
Or how long you've been untrue
Jesus doesn't care, He still offers forgiveness to you
How many tears will you cry
'Til you cry out to the Father so many tears
Have honest plea for mercy He will not deny
Trust Him and you're gonna find...
That Jesus doesn't care what you've done before
How you've rebelled or slammed the door
No matter how far you've run
Or how long you've been untrue
Jesus doesn't care, He still offers forgiveness to you
I don't intend this to be my life's chronicles but I might write some of my experiences here.
Even so, everything that's written in here are either products of my excessive contemplation, or just plainly, pure boredom.
In any case, I still try to write as sensible as possible, for what I really intend to do and I hope is achieved in every writing,
is to impart or share some of the things I learn and sometimes, some struggles in life. Don't expect all seriousness in everything in here though.
In short, this blog is my outlet. My noted thoughts and reflections.
About Me
Name: Goldi
Home: Pasay City, Philippines
Birthday: June 2
Hobbies & Interests: Jesus, music, books, journals, internet, computers, tech stuff, gadgets * sound tripping, singing, playing musical instruments (I know guitar and flute recorder, I just wish I can play them well), watching movie with a tub of popcorn drizzled with melted butter (yum!), reading * observing, pondering, reflecting, learning * laughing or making people laugh (though I'm not good at it) and laugh with them, make people smile, or just listen to their stories. Minsan, trip ko lang din mang-asar =p
About Me: I'm a simple, idealistic but down-to-earth, & friendly person. Quiet most of the time, but friendly enough to have a nice talk (or even a hearty laugh) with anyone. "I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 NLT
Principles I live by:
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
"If people talk negatively about you, live in such a way that no one will believe them."
"God is a God of happy endings. If you're not yet happy, it's not yet the end."
"It's not what we know but what we do that counts." -Our Daily Bread
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." -Dumbledore, Harry Potter 2
"Girls should assume that until a guy expresses interest, they're just friends." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl
"True love doesn't just wait; it plans." -Boy Meets Girl
"Eros will have naked bodies; friendship naked personalities." -C.S. Lewis
"Ideals are like stars; we will not succeed in touching them with our hands but by following them, as the sea faring man in the ocean, we will reach our destiny." -J. Harris, Boy Meets Girl
0 Comment(s):
Post a Comment
<< Home